Before I call it a day…

I was on the brink of having hell of a fabulous day after a long time. I hoped if its rhythm could continue for a couple of hours more. I wondered, if this was any short of a miracle, which made me further questioned, how can everything be so perfect? It was like scoring a goal on your every run towards the opponent’s goal post.

I am sure you saw that coming courtesy – ongoing FIFA Fever!

It appears too good to be true, isn’t it? In the end, the truth is what prevails. I am not a pessimist, but I was certainly not looking forward to such a great day, especially the day, which was so uncertain to start with. It will be unfair if I leave out the details. So, let me share how it all started.

Like my most of the mornings, I was awake getting ready to work, that is when I glanced towards the sky outside. Well, it had a similar appearance as it had yesterday, rainy and cloudy, but fortunately, not as devilish as and as harsh as, it was yesterday. It had disrupted the options available for travelling, so I had to stay at home. No, I didn’t miss my work, I am totally equipped to perform my professional activities at home, so that’s handled well. Although, today that harshness had subsided a bit, but its grip continued to remain on my unassailable mode of commute. That’s where jigsaw puzzle started for me.

I hate to lose out on time especially the ones that go unaccounted for, during such uncontrolled situation. I knew what my heart wanted, but my head swung frantically like the pendulum in the clock. They tussled for a while with each other, against and forth to convince unconvincingly, and I couldn’t reach a decision whether to continue, take that chance to travel or stay put and continue my work at home.

Somehow, I had to end this unfruitful endeavor of lousy exchange between my head and the heart. So, I broke the rally and decided to work from home. That was the kick start! Since then it multiplied contagiously over every other task that I undertook. It was like playing on a snooker table, potting each colored ball in a sequence with every single strike.

As the saying goes, ‘Nothing lasts forever’, my fate took a U-turn, tossed me back in the black hole of uncertainty again. In fact I was exposed to a vigorous situation this time, slightly intense comparatively. Unlike other situations that I had faced earlier, this one appeared to be highly unpredictable and unstable right on the onset. So far no colossal damage, as I have been playing it by the fence, standing still to heavy blows lodged over me and balancing to avoid a knock-out.

It is heading towards completely an opposite direction. Not sure if the day would wiggle any further. Hope to return in the desirable state BEFORE I CALL IT A DAY.

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‘Sure M’lady, You have My Attention!’

‘I don’t want to talk to you at least for few days.’, she said unconvincingly.

‘Is there any problem? Is it about me?’, I asked while going through mails in my laptop.

‘Yes, you are the problem for every damn thing happening in my life’, she retaliated immediately.

I wanted to protest immediately, but a mail marked as ‘URGENT & IMPORTANT’ brought my attention back to my inbox almost instantly, so I chose not to respond.

‘See, this is very frustrating and irritating, you always want to control things your way’, She continued raising her voice a little.

I couldn’t ignore her and replied, ‘What is wrong with you? we always discuss before reaching any conclusion, don’t we?’, still looking at my inbox.

 ‘Never, never, you never seek for my agreement.’, she said. This time her voice grew many folds louder and she continued, ‘This is my life and I will decide what I want to do with it.’

‘I don’t want a person like you who pokes his nose into everything’, she added out of context.

I was immensely agitated and wanted to end this unworthy menace immediately.

I looked straight at her by slapping my laptop screen down and was about to blurt out loud in my defense, but couldn’t. I swallowed my words back instantly, you know why? because…

I found her staring at me with a smile and then she said, ‘Finally I have your attention’, Lets discuss about the place where you would like to spend your birthday, shall we?’

I felt dumbstruck and replied, ‘Sure M’lady, You have My Attention!’

(A short snippet basis my experience for you to read)

Dare to Dare…

This is going to be my first virtual dare!’, I mumbled before setting my fingers on the keyboard. That moment an adrenaline rushed throughout my body in excitement and with some apprehensions.

The dare is to come out of the shell and express, right here in this platform – GO LIVE. I know It’s not new, there are millions floating here, one more addition wouldn’t matter. But it is quite a task for me, I have a history of multiple starts that stayed as start with no end – only half-baked work. Most of them remained buried or lost in the folders with no memory to trace it back again and whichever made it live perhaps made no sense. I doubt if this one does… see this is what the apprehension is for.

Anyways, I am putting my unworthy expressions and starts in the past to rest and set to make a new beginning, this time a positive one, being upfront in the real world where whatever I write will not be limited or will never be lost anymore.

So my DARE is to DARE and express to reflect me as a writer, right here!

(Had to let go my old published work in faith of new ones to come)

My Father…

I looked at him. The reality sunk in. He is the one who held my index finger and introduced me to normalcy. That normalcy of life which a motherhood would fear. I remember vividly, how he gave up to our demands and ensured we were always happy, being aloof of atrocities he faced. I literally peed in my pants when I saw his big goggling eyes, indicating novice sins and childhood glitch he wouldn’t agree off. I saw his gazing smile in astonishment on the task I did that I could do never before.

But there was a time when I wanted to be anybody than him. I questioned his ability and alibi to protect me. I was weak and nimble but hardly I realised what is upon him to be the way or change the way he was to us. I regret why my ears were filled with one sided affair. I regret why I allowed it to prevail and surmount the hate that I may choke to live within.

I wonder why I failed, failed to understand what had homed his head. Perhaps He was fighting a fight that nobody cared. He may have committed mistakes and blunders but who doesn’t do? The only thing that separates him from the rest that he multiplied it and grew.

I realise the golden days and comfort in childhood that he provided, surpasses all his flaws. He took very good care of us that ever we could have thought. No doubt, I dearly want those days to rush back in, relieving me from the pain that I may have got in.

Today, he took some time out to meet his Son’s Son, who reminds him of his own father. Perhaps he is missing his fatherly moments. Missing his chance he could have had with his own father. Perhaps… But he will always stay my father.

Now, when I see him through the door waiting for the lift to get aboard, my heart pinches me and calls for the hug that is due for so long. He has turned so weak, physically, indicating his weariness that an age would call. I dearly hope to get to see him forever and not once in a while.

Sometimes he shares the glare – ‘of a father to a father’ with me. It says thousand unsaid things which a father could understand and comprehend. I am not the one to judge how fair he has been to my mom, how well he could have been for her. He stays my FATHER without whom I could never have been.

He turned left watching me watch him before the lift open it’s door. That is enough to indicate – I have done my bit now it’s your turn to hit.

Just being friends…

This one is dedicated to my friends.

What we did today, a long walk could have not attained, It’s the teariness that could have not been in a pain.

People thinks it’s crazy and baffle looking at my act, But little they know what is it I want for a heck.

It’s an existence of un-meaningful sense, When we meet, what’s past and present, it sounds as a same tense.

We don’t cry and we don’t rejoice, But feel proud of what is still our choice.

It is hard to explain and explore, When I hear my dear friend roar.

That’s the calling and the intimation, And the way we announce, we know is in the fashion.

An entire life goes through searching through such soul, I am lucky and humble to have found them without any foul.

This is for my friends, my friends forever, Death wouldn’t do us a part, never.

Are you rich?

I am rich. Why would you care? Why would you tolerate the cockiness? That doesn’t change a thing. I will still stay rich.

Rich, by the abundance of love bestowed on me, by the moments of care showered on me.

Rich, by thoughts and experience all along, by virtue of knowledge where I belong.

Rich, by the laughter and smile I share, by painful tears of joy I bear.

Rich, by the value and valuables around me, by a chance of luck that they found me.

Still Rich, because it never meant money and I never became its bunny.

Getting Richer, I pity those who are enslaved by dollars and pounds, they are pure depiction of deadly blood hounds.

Stay rich and grow richer, never muddle and hitch with what turns you weaker.

I lost the track…

A notion that nearly reflects my current state and being. Please do comment and share your thoughts how you felt reading it.

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I lost the track.

The track of time that alert me of things undone.

The track of contextual moments that keeps me away from sunburn.

The track of rhythm that keeps my blood flow seamlessly through my veins.

The track of thoughts that keeps me on my toes, prevent my draining energy in vain.

Gradually, I am getting trapped in the illusional cobweb, where the false is true and things do exist as it never should.

It has enough to hook me up forever, creating a unending loop, as it would.

It promises me my glory and it’s eternal continuance with zero affect in my posture and thrust.

It is eating up my time and ability to focus on things that matter, making me rely on a vulnerable bubble about to burst.

I am not sure what is so convincing in this unconvincing act.

Every time I draw myself away, I get closer and closer to this enduring fact.

I am made to dance to its unwelcoming tune, just like a puppet not worthy of any boon.

It’s not that I have not tried to stop. My weakened sanity gives up to this vicious circle of doom.

I am scared. Why Shouldn’t I? Nobody wants to be manoeuvred by such terrifying hold that can toss and tan to cause recurring wounds.

There may be a time when it wouldn’t heal and dwell forever, unearthing agony and pain that looms.

I deeply desire to disallow such reality to ever surface.

While I have got few strings in my hand still to disavow it’s evil face.

I realise that I have become weak, but not weak enough to allow such nuisance to build and occur.

I must tackle and dodge its sweetened blows and keep my sanctity guarding with almost the skills required to play soccer.

I know it is difficult to turn cold in the warmth of such luring glow.

That is what one must do to make its impact inadmissible and slow.

Oh Friday! Oh Friday!

A poetic attempt of an experience that I had last Friday. Hope you will enjoy it.

Oh Friday! Oh Friday! it is nice that you are here,

Too much of load and burden to bear.

Things had become before astonishingly tight,

It was imperative to spend some sleepless night.

Late to bed and early to rise,

I wondered if the toil and effort would really suffice.

No time to waste and no time to pause,

As I clearly knew what was the cause.

Held no regrets and went through the pain,

Why not! with so much at stake and much to gain.

Swirling winds changed its direction to east,

But I was busy eliminating a rising deadly beast.

Then my friend said – “it can be dealt better later”,

“Come on! Don’t be a social hater.”

He pushed my chair to set me in motion,

To embark in a journey with little caution.

Finally, We all gathered to chatter and cheer,

Oh Friday! Oh Friday! it is nice that you are here.

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Dear Readers – My first attempt to my version of a poem. Please share your suggestion and comment what you liked and what you disliked.

Head on with nature…

I woke up before my dream reached its climax. The sweat and the rising pulse indicated its intensity of impact. ‘What was that?’ I thought and tried to remember what pulled me out of the deep sleep. Lying still on the same position, I goggled on the roof for a moment to settle down and to distant myself from the illusion that shook me from inside. After a brief pause, I tried to rewind those flashing images that stayed still fresh to make sense of what just had happened. Strange, to my disappointment, I couldn’t remember anything at all. It dashed out in a flash leaving no marks behind. I felt stupid for believing into something that appeared to be true a while ago, but turned out to be a horrific dream. To make the matter in hand worse, I absolutely had no recollection of it, as if it never had happened. I read somewhere in the past that nobody in reality remembers the start of the dream. Unfortunately, in my case I forgot the entire episode that seemed so fresh a few seconds ago.

Apparently, I had no other way of figuring it out. So, I decided not to venture further. I took a deep breath to ease out and come back to reality. The room was still dark, courtesy the full length curtains draped in front of the sliding windows, preventing days light from outside. As I returned to my senses, I could hear the honking noise from vehicles on the road, getting louder and louder, which faintly played in my head a little while ago. I ran my left hand on the table adjacent to my bed, in search of my phone. Simultaneously, I looked on my right. I swapped my views swiftly and realised that I was late, my dear ones have just gone about their businesses and I was still lying like a sea lion on a bright and breezy day by the shore.

‘It’s pouring again, would you be able to go tomorrow’, inquired my dear one last night.

‘Oh! is it that bad?’ I countered her.

‘Well, you never know if it continues to behave like this’, she replied with her gaze affixed outside.

I knew what she meant. This observation was based upon recent turn of events. Now it’s sudden remembrance led me to peruse the situation outside. Surprisingly, it didn’t look that bad. I moved to get through my routine, morning errands. While donning in office attire, I heard the forecast lady emphasising how bad the weather is going to be. I dismissed her claim instantly. I knew Weather Gods and Forecast agencies didn’t jell at all. The former always find a way to outdo the latter.

I stepped out of the apartment and was greeted by cleansed green bed of grass. It never looked so fresh and clean in days. ‘Hope the rest of the day remains as fresh as these’, I thought.

I was right. The commute and a short ride to work was smooth and swift. Once I was in, I got busy and had no chance or time to talk. I missed 3 things – A cheerful and long stretched tone of saying ‘Hi’ from my colleague who sits next to me, welcoming smile from the one who sits diagonally opposite, holding a coffee cup indicating – ‘We better get our cups filled now to beat the sleepiness’, and enquiring look from the one who sits in the cubicle on my right – looking to set up a meet to discuss something, which he thinks to be important.

I also missed an unwelcoming glance from few others who feel that I don’t belong here and my existence is questionable.

I had a quick lunch and was back at my desk real quick. That is when my neighbour gave me an anxious look and asked me to look outside. I looked at her face. Her cheeriness had vanished completely. I wondered what else I missed today.

My workplace is just like any modern offices of today’s world. There is everything inside to keep me in and it’s structure keeps me away of any happenings from the outside world. There are distractions then, like cell phones, unique living characters that keep you abreast always. I didn’t let any of these distract me except that came from my alerted neighbour. For good I guess.

The sight was horrifying. It was unnaturally dark and the pouring of rain was devilish. The thick droplets hit the glass window shield like tracer bullet. The momentary splash mark of droplets indicated its intensity. Watching me watch, soon others too joined me, with distinct chatter and expressions, to witness severity unfold. ‘For some reason Weather Gods agreed with the lady’, I muttered in my thoughts.

We packed our stuff quickly and moved in the elevator. I cancelled my rest of the scheduled meet and prioritised my exit. We stepped out and headed straight to exit the premises.

The next sight broke all the boundaries. We saw knee deep water logged on the road. The security stopped us by saying, ‘ Sir, you are not allowed to leave’, pointing towards pool of water, which was slowly becoming a lake now.

That’s when my dear one called and asked, ‘where are you? I am worried, how would you come back now.’

‘Got to stay back honey, seems no way out now’, I replied anxiously.

‘I told ya, if only it continues to behave like this, be safe’, she replied in a worried tone and disconnected the call.

‘If only I had listened to the weather lady’, I thought regretfully.

Message for readers:

Hope you like this short story. Perhaps my weird attempt to imagine and right. Although this a work of fiction, but certain reference to nature is based on real experience. Do leave your comments / suggestions.

One last thing, there could be a better title to this post. Please feel free to suggest and I shall post the credit in my next blog.