It is good to be back after so many days. Before I digress and get into my ‘seeking apology’ mode I would like to start with the purpose that pulled me here.
Before I pull you into the strings of my thoughts let me ask you, ‘How are you?’. You may want to leave a word or too in the comment. Whether you do or not I hope you all are safe and sound. We all know how unprecedented these times are, don’t we?
Well, if someone wants to crib or cry there is no short supply of reasons. The one that is sufficient to send shivers down your body is the virus itself. Do I need to be explicit? No, I don’t think so. Anyways, it does not require any special mention. After all, how can we not know the culprit that has forced us to stay behind the doors. But if you look at the brighter side the same culprit has also led to discover and explore a lot of things that stayed inside our houses for so many years. Nonetheless, the one who wants to cry can do so for no reason.
The first thing I would like to point out is my patience. I swear, nothing on earth could test my patience to the extent this experience has done. When it all began, I never imagined in my dreams that I will have to stay at home for so long. Like a prisoner in a jail. As the days and months passed, the frustration of not being able to travel freely, go to office, eat outside, and meet people just kept piling up. I started to be upset and began to become angry very easily, even on smaller things. Sooner it was like searching for a reason to vent out.
Then came a day when my son said, “Dad gets angry on me all the time”. I heard him say it to his mother. Well even that triggered me, and I was about to confront, how dare he say that? But then something happened I paused and began to ponder. The couple of minutes I spared to think made me realize that I wasn’t angry but frustrated and I wanted to let it out somehow. The next thing I did was to step back and look for a suitable time or moment to discuss. Fortunately, I could discuss with my little son as well as my wife the same evening. That day I learnt a great deal. It also reopened the temporarily blocked channel of communication all over again. Since then, I get angry, but I prefer to deal with it more constructively instead of going all guns blazing – boom-boom or bang-bang.
I think if each one of us understand that the time, as unprecedented as this, is difficult for all of us. Indeed, none in our generation or the generation before or the one before had dealt with situation like this. It is better to talk it out than losing out sanity. Thankfully, I never ended up doing anything harsh or stupid, a sort of act that damages relationships for a lifetime.
Also, it is important to note that it is not just you who reserve the rights of losing sane mind. What if you are at receiving end? Imagine my son, though he is small now, loses his cool and questions my very right of being his father. That is a scary thought.
Talking about my son reminds me of a discovery I made. I found out about his acting abilities while shooting a video for his school project. That is how the plan of exploring You Tube cropped up. Now I have got one additional thing to worry about i.e. my directorial-cum-writing abilities. Writing is still fine but needs tremendous work in direction. I am confident by the end of this year, my son or I, at least one of us, would be able to make decision of our lifetime.
I also figured that an individual could waste time as s/he wishes to. I thought travelling to work left me with lesser time to do things that I am passionate about. Nope, my new schedule still struggles to bucket things that I love to do. Even weekends just scrape through unfruitfully. The mastery in ‘Ludo King’ and ‘Sequence’ are the two positives to boast as a straight result of my efforts during weekends.
However, I still need to do a lot as long as my contribution is concerned in household chores. It is like I am proud of my wife but ashamed of myself for the same thing. Proud, because I can say my wife has single handedly taken care of entire household activities. Ashamed, guess you know, I have not mattered enough. Except a few irregular itsy-bitsy things, I didn’t do much. She hasn’t spoken on this topic in detail yet. But who knows, just like me, these mundane and tiring activities may be the cause of her frustration. Which she is yet to exhibit. This one needs to be taken seriously.
When I started writing this post, I never knew how much I have got to share or express. But as I begin to conclude I am glad about my effort. Before I go, there are two things I would like to call out specifically. They are my family and the organization where I work. The latter that provides my bread and butter, the former with whom I enjoy the same. I am grateful to both for being alongside in such times and of course Almighty without His blessing it would have not been possible at all. On that note I would take my leave with some optimism of visiting here more often and soon again.
STAY INDOORS AND STAY SAFE…